Love??

A stranger left her with this piece of song that she held so dear.

I'm so childish, a little bit wildish
With my rumdiddlyumdiddlyumdiddly, I'm so deep

Well I'm so garish, a little unfairish
The way I pick you up, and drop you in a heap

I'm so unfaithful, in fact I'm a plateful
I won't kiss her, but I'll stare her up all night

I'm a stormy little singer, an unstable little swinger
If you're coming, come prepared for a fight

Well I'm so childish, a little bit wildish
With my rumdiddlyumdiddlyumdiddly, I'm so deep

Well I'm so uncaring, do far too much swearing
And if you read through my behaviour, you'll find I'm a creep

I'll play a stormer, yet in the corner
I'll be grumpy on my own, like I don't care

I'm a stormy little singer, an unstable little swinger
With a big rip, in the arsehole of my flares

Well I'm so childish, a little bit wildish
With my rumdiddlyumdiddlyumdiddly, I'm so mad

I'm so truthful, a little bit bruteful
But in sooth I know not, why I am so sad

I try my bestest, well as far the restest
Well it's just stuff that comes out wrong, and gets misunderstood

I'm a dandy little dreamer, a doctored misdemeanour
A didactic destiny schemer, bare with me if you would 

-Damien Rice

song- Childish

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YrXh4gby6U

One fine day, as she was humming this...

...........I won't kiss her, but I'll stare her up all night..........

the phone beeped.

There was a message from someone she had come to know lately with the three most popular words in the world.

You say that You love me...

How easy it was to say for you...

Ever wondered what effect did these three words cast on me?

You will always believe that I am an empty quiver, a feeling devoid soul. I dint respond to your heart out in a positive way.

May be, I could never ever express, neither by my words nor my silence that there's a sunshine girl in me too.

'I will not kiss but will stare her up all night.'

You say You love me, But would you be this childish?

You say you love me , But were you by my side when I was fighting both outside and inside?

You never saw me in my struggles, may be they were too complex or too simple for you to be bothered.

But you said you love me, then should not my struggles, have been yours too?

Yes, you may have an argument, that I wanted you to grow and learn to face the world yourself..But you said you love me, just to lemme be alone ?

So why should I believe that I could have loved you when you yourself wanted me to learn to be alone?

I feel for that stranger more than for you, for he did not promise me Love.

Note- Fiction smells pleasant and tastes delicious when you can concoct two or more stories. ;-)

My First Wish: Leave Job

How I wish that I could Leave my Job!

Its not that I am incapable of leaving job.

Having made my mind firmly on quitting the job, I sensed signals from God that I shouldn't.

I was seeing KBC where people from humble backgrounds, who have led their whole life in struggle, come and win just because they relied on the most strongest pivot a human can have, Knowledge.

I had to contemplate on this. Knowledge, it isn't about how strong your GK is.
It comprises of your common sense, analytical skills and decision making abilities. I tried rating my skills.
All my decision making abilities vanished completely the day I joined my first job. One colleague quipped on seeing me smiling, 'Dont smile in office, people think you haven't got any work.'
I could just say 'People here are Morons! They dont need any more displays to strengthen my hitherto assumption.' Staying happy and smiling often, means you have not been given enough workload! Gawd!

It could be due to achievement of some target or may be I would have understood something new or I would have had my friend or family call me up for some good news or may be I would have just felt like smiling. Huh!

'Muskurane Pe Bhi Dard Hota Hai'

Muje to nahi hota, baki sabhi ko na jaane meri muskurahat se kaunsa aur kahan kahan dard hota hai!
And I spent all my 23 years of life believing that I had a lovable smile that could make anyone happy!

It was my decision to get out of home and start my career with a job that would pay me handsomely, not equivalent to MBAs or  IITians, but a decent enough start for me. I wanted to be independent, wanted to get my mobile recharged with my money, wanted to shop(I have always been shopaholic) even more. I had no other big expectations. But what I have ended up is, I recharge my mobile number online but have stopped shopping. All the initial excitement of a job had metamorphosed into a completely dull, monotonous affair where I have come to consider that this is all Moh-Maaya. I fear becoming a saint and vanishing off to a far off place.

But they say God only guides, its for us to walk on that path to reach our destination. I have postponed my decision for some days right now in a hope to revive my true self and start afresh. I have been insipired today by KBC contestants (thanks to them!)who have bravely faced the traumas of life, have overcome them heroically and will carry on their lives with as much grace, poise, determination and humility as before, even after winning amounts that are equal to many times I save from my salary.

Hope this last attempt of mine at finding peace at work and enjoyment too bears fruit.

To Break Or Not To Break

Hey, YOU! 

How can I divest you of all the pleasure you are getting in this dream....

****

by breaking your heart and tearing away all the memories of togetherness, your love and parenthood,

the first sight,

stealing the next glance through the corner of your eye,

then eye-to-eye contacts,

the ignorance state and then the stares that could make anybody melt down,

the first talk,

the chirps,

the respect,

the long discussions,

and the admiration,

the arguments,

the fights,

the looking away,

then walking away,

the aching heart,

the yearning,

the longing,

the realizations

and then the patch-ups,

the closeness,

and the songs sung in the ear,

the music in the air,

the freshness in the breath,

and the first kiss,

and the following numbness,

the celebration of sheer awesomeness,

the growth of intimacy,

the proposal,

the surprise,

the anxiety,

the answer,

the acceptance,

the love,

the resonating heartbeats,

the wedding,

the happiness,

the ecstasy,

the joy,

the sense of belonging,

and possessiveness,

the decisions in unison,

the 'good' rather best news,

those difficult months,

the 'warmth',

the care,

the concern,

the new life, not life but lives, the two of them,

the jubilation,

the extra care,

the enormous concern,

the assumption of responsibility,

the performance of duties,

the toil,

the wandering,

'the look' at the family,

the feeling of completeness,

the bringing of food for the kids,

the sharing between them,

the empty stomach sleep,

the watchfulness of growth of kids,

the contentment on seeing them evolve,,

****

....that you are realizing with your wife and two cute pigeon babies in my kitchen balcony...

How can I ask my maid to wash off the messy nest on the floor that has been growing more dingy day by day?

You all seriously need a hygienics course. :))

With Love - Your Flatmate 

Engagement Ring

 She was seeing rings for herself at a store. This one, with beautifully cut diamonds placed cleverly inside a gold frame to form a flower, sparkled at her. Instantly, she knew that this was the one.

She wasn't getting engaged nor was she in any relationship. But she decided to buy it.

Why aren't you wearing the ring you got yesterday?

This was the first question from my side the  next day.

I will. When I will deserve it.

She walked away. And this left me perplexed. 

............

Earlier....

He believed that he loved her.

Her understanding of Love was very different from his definition.

When love needs a decision to stay, a final 'yes' or a 'no', she could not convince herself on its authenticity. He believed in the manifestation of Love whereas for her, Love couldnt be based on a confirmation or a blunt 'no'.


They had a bitter fight. He finally ended it all by saying 'You dont deserve me! You will regret it later!'

She thought to herself, 'Was it really love? He would see me here only, if he ever looked again.'

............

She had loved the ring that adorns her dressing table now. Hope the time comes soon when she can wear the 'Engagement Ring' !

Our Strange Bigoted Independence

He loved her. Truly, madly, deeply!

Every night he would dream of her before losing himself in her dreams. He somehow wanted her to feel his love...the love to which she was oblivious.  She had her reason.

The school bell rang to mark the end of games period. The students, though exhausted, after bathing in sun and  mud and sweat, occupied their seats eagerly to attend Mr. Subramaniam's lecture. He, a South Indian, used to teach Social Sciences to the students of class 9th and 10th. A highly respectable and admired figure in the teaching fraternity, he acquainted students, on the verge of completing their secondary education, with the socio-economic and political problems that were lying unsolved  in front of the country.

Mr. Subramaniam started off the day's lecture with a simple question - All the kids who belong to the SC/ST or OBC category, please raise your hand. There were a few raised hands amongst many scorns and grimaces. After noticing the reactions of all the children, he could just say - 'Freedom of thought is the greatest freedom!', leaving the audience completely clueless as to what the teacher wanted to convey.

C A S T E I S M! 

'This is the conundrum, thus far unanswered, of how to feel true independence when so many barriers of region, religion, language and CASTE exist as shackles. Its unfortunate that even after fifty years of freedom, we are a long way to achieve independence of ideas, opinions and judgements. The general category snarls at the other categories who according to it, get the jobs and positions at the cost of their dreams and hardwork. And equally, the other classes bear the brunt of social exclusion and unacceptability in the mainstream by the general category. The hurt sentiments of the general class due to denial of well deserved jobs and the SC/ST and OBC's due to denial of equal treatment lead to a stymie that hampers the contribution of both the parties and ultimately hinders the overall development of the nation.
The division of any society on any basis is very natural, as is the division of this class into good students and bad students. This goodness and badness depends on the marks and behavior of students and the perception of the teacher as to whether only the marks and behavior should be the determining criteria. The utility of this segmentation is in identifying the weak students and working more on them so that they can also come at par with the others. Similar situation was on the national front after independence that necessitated the special consideration of SC/ST and OBC's to give them the rights they had long been denied and to result in a unified India where all are General.

But over the years, the people who became eligible to be called General, wanted their children to still get the special privileges and so, they dint shun the tag resulting in a society that has many SC/ST and OBC's that live as part of mainstream but dont refuse to encash the tag they have inherited. This behavior has resulted in the low percolation of the privileges to the deserving SC/ST and OBC's and the frustration amongst the General class due to continued and increasing denial.
This class of 40 students can make a big difference to the society by promising that the children with raised hands , if have comfortable standard of living and enjoy equal opportunities, should shun using their tag for employment and rather rely on their own talent and the others should welcome such bravehearts with open hands and both should live in harmonious coexistence. '

The school bell rang again.

This 'raised hand' guy loved this 'other' girl.

But the Girl's parents refused to consider an SC on the grounds that the family principles are different from their class , thereby, making adjustment for the girl, in the new atmosphere, a herculean task. As for the girl, she would get a good similar class offer. (Shackles of society)

He wanted to give all his love and his promise to not use his Tag for himself and for the next generations. (Shackles of class)

But she could neither offer nor accept!(Shackles of family)

Today as we are celebrating the 66th Independence Day, shouldn't we ponder whether we really have unfettered ourselves , our ideas, our vision in true sense ? 

Independence doesnt only mean freedom from foreign rule and guarantee of territorial sovereignty, for me, it means an unshackled individual, with an unshackled mind, clear of all the irrelevant biases . 

So is it your Independence day, today ?

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake

-Rabindranath Tagore

A Single Wish

While star gazing, I happened to see a shooting star. Reminding myself of the sanctity of its mystical power established in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, I wanted to test it.

 ..........TEST.....CASE...........

My wish is very simple - Leave job. Get a billion bucks for a lifetime and...

Start off on my feet and see the whole of world myself, through my own eyes, capture the whole palette of myriad colours of my land through lens, paint on my way the hitherto unknown which bemuses and delights me simultaneously, pen down my random contemplations at one stop, share it with some stranger at another.

See the farms, the fields, the dwarfing skyscrapers, feel the sunrise and sunset, smell the land after rains, listen to the waves dashing against the formidable rocks, examine the fresh dew drops on the greens turned greener, trace the path of an ant that carries a grain of wheat on itself, find the home of a rat, check (though telescopically) how do cockroaches live under the floor, learn the making of a mud chulha, take part in the excavation of a prehistoric site, .........$%#...@*&....

Get a time-machine and travel to see the evolution of life on earth, how did man discover fire and potter's wheel, how exactly did Cleopatra look like, meet Napolean, the Egyptian Kings, the emperors Askoka, Alexander, the dynasties that ruled the world and  the various seers and founders of religions. Then forward time by some centuries to experience the trials and troubles of the scientists and how they overcame or succumbed to the pressures of the orthodox Churches and see the journey of India from the Golden Sparrow period to present.

Make a rocket and shoot off into space at the speed of light to check the Saturn's rings, the giant Titan, and the red Mars, greet the little pluto now lying in limbo, and surge out of our solar system, then from our milky way, find the blackholes.....and go far, far away in the depths of the ever expanding,,,,,,,,,,,the space out there is so vast to explore, aint it?

Turn lilliputian and enter the car's engine to see how a spark from the spark plug ignites the fuel and starts motion, then lose almost all my weight to experience the free fall of a feather, and become more diminished, to have a word with the bacteria and then finally, become so miniscule and lose all my mass, so that I can associate with the God's particle (Higgs Boson attributes mass to a particle).

Ultimately, I also wish to meet God!

Wishes galore. Still mine is just 'A Single Wish' !

Oh! Did I miss someone to accompany me?

Image courtesy - http://gallery.minitokyo.net/view/424786

WHITE!

In Science, there's a concept that says the colour of an object is the one which is reflected by the object and not that the object possesses.

For all the things I see green, they aren't actually green. This used to fuddle me up to eventually become a source of fascination like the Matrix theme and more recently, the Inception.

Perceptions aren't that fake but yes, they do fascinate me. All the time you spend convincing yourself that your sticking to your decisions was prudent enough,goes futile the moment one tells you and then you realise too, that there weren't any green pigments, my perception was just the reflection.

Perceptions are so colourful, all of them reflect myriad colours. Yours, mine, and so many others'.

Just wonder if one could converge them all to make WHITE.

Possible?.... How?

But Won't that make a BLACK somewhere???

Delicious!

To everyone and anyone who spends time over this, a big big HELLO!

I have heard and always believed that one must be generous in greeting people. They say the one from you could be the only one they might be getting that day!!

I have been reading blogs for quite some time now to get to know what its all about and get baffled all the more by the amazing potpourri of themes the blogging world has to offer. Here is what I got to share.

I have maintained a strong disapproval for cooking right from childhood. Having stepped out of my golden castle seven months ago, I got to taste some of the assorted delicacies life has to offer, kindling in me, the insatiable hunger for more but for only those which I have come to savour. Time, cautiously, forges our interests, pursuits and disposition, so here am I, in complete conformance.

Cooking comes to me naturally, but sporadically, in isolated and occasional instances. I mixed a little of love, a pinch each of care and adjustment, a tinge of empathy, lots of laughter and a speck of indifference and forgot to put ego and 'always me' condiments and that's what I got- HAPPINESS. Delicious!

No need to go as per measurements, the approximations and corrections for a perfect taste are all your own.

Sometimes, I feel like trying certain seasonings from the forbidden ones and lo, I get another delicacy, though not the one I quite enjoy. The best part is - it's delectable everytime, indeed!.

And I can always start afresh if the salt's much. :p

Image source - http://blogs.psychcentral.com/leveraging-adversity/files/2015/01/0bb1c18d2dd5c46996f7fc11_640_happiness.jpg