My First Wish: Leave Job

How I wish that I could Leave my Job!

Its not that I am incapable of leaving job.

Having made my mind firmly on quitting the job, I sensed signals from God that I shouldn't.

I was seeing KBC where people from humble backgrounds, who have led their whole life in struggle, come and win just because they relied on the most strongest pivot a human can have, Knowledge.

I had to contemplate on this. Knowledge, it isn't about how strong your GK is.
It comprises of your common sense, analytical skills and decision making abilities. I tried rating my skills.
All my decision making abilities vanished completely the day I joined my first job. One colleague quipped on seeing me smiling, 'Dont smile in office, people think you haven't got any work.'
I could just say 'People here are Morons! They dont need any more displays to strengthen my hitherto assumption.' Staying happy and smiling often, means you have not been given enough workload! Gawd!

It could be due to achievement of some target or may be I would have understood something new or I would have had my friend or family call me up for some good news or may be I would have just felt like smiling. Huh!

'Muskurane Pe Bhi Dard Hota Hai'

Muje to nahi hota, baki sabhi ko na jaane meri muskurahat se kaunsa aur kahan kahan dard hota hai!
And I spent all my 23 years of life believing that I had a lovable smile that could make anyone happy!

It was my decision to get out of home and start my career with a job that would pay me handsomely, not equivalent to MBAs or  IITians, but a decent enough start for me. I wanted to be independent, wanted to get my mobile recharged with my money, wanted to shop(I have always been shopaholic) even more. I had no other big expectations. But what I have ended up is, I recharge my mobile number online but have stopped shopping. All the initial excitement of a job had metamorphosed into a completely dull, monotonous affair where I have come to consider that this is all Moh-Maaya. I fear becoming a saint and vanishing off to a far off place.

But they say God only guides, its for us to walk on that path to reach our destination. I have postponed my decision for some days right now in a hope to revive my true self and start afresh. I have been insipired today by KBC contestants (thanks to them!)who have bravely faced the traumas of life, have overcome them heroically and will carry on their lives with as much grace, poise, determination and humility as before, even after winning amounts that are equal to many times I save from my salary.

Hope this last attempt of mine at finding peace at work and enjoyment too bears fruit.